Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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