I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
