I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
