Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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