GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
