k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
