Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
