A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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