Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You are the jesus of drinking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
