Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
