It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
