my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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