i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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