george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How does it feel to date your dad?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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