You smell like stripper and shame
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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