I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
