Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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