He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
