well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize