your room smells of hookers.
And success
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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