well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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