I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you never un-have a 4some
how drunk are you?
Several
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
