Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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