first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
