Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
