pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
