She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
