Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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