Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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