so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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