This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
