You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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