finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
