I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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