If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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