Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
