The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
