Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
