he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
