I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
