I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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