$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
