he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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