Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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