He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
