he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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