I think my vagina is haunted
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What a dumb baby whore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
