How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
