Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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