So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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