Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
