I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
