My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I need to calm my uterus...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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