I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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