I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
