Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
