I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize