He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
