it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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