in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You're like the curious george of whores
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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