Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
