I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
