saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
