Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
