i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
