i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
