I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
