she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
