for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
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From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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