I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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