Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just cropdusted the office
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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