How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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